I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize