So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
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I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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