Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
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i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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