I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
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I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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