i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
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She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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