So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
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bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
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Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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