My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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