I think my fart just growled at me.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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