you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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