Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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