Someone shit on the floor
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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