So drunk its hurt
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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