I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I want to have your abortion
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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