Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
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Are we still banned from the library?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
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I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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