Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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