ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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