Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Drunk is not a location!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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