he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize