we made out on top of his cat.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
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I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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