my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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