3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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