You just made me feel so damn special
I met the friendliest cop last night
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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