You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
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Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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