the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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