I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
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I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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