I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
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Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
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I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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