1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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