she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
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She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
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Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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