My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
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I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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