Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
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I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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