You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
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Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
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Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize