I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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