i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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