YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize