this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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