The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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