I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
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got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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