i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
nutella sex= disaster
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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