I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
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Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
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barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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