someone owes me an orgasm
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
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We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
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Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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