he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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