It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
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Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
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But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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