one two three fourrrrnication!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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