haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
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I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
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I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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