The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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