I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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