i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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