if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize