I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver just had a heart attack.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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