We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
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At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
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I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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